This weekend, I asked my friends on Thursday and Friday what were their plans for the weekend. I was answered with homework and studying. I told them that was boring and lame and instead we should do something fun and exciting. I was left unanswered and ignored.
Then on Saturday I looked at snapchat and found out my friends had gone to a choir recital, went to a party, and then the next morning, run in the 5k race in town. I was hurt. Why hadn’t they included me?
Being an only child, I’m used to being by myself. I like it, really. Don’t get me wrong I am an outgoing person, but sometimes I get tired of constantly being around people. But, just because I don’t always like being around people all the time doesn’t mean I don’t like being invited!
This lack of an invitation hurt more than I would have liked it too. I ate ice cream and watched 4 hours of Mad Men. All this isolation got me thinking. I started thinking about times when I felt alone (like this one in particular) and the fact that I wasn’t really alone. I had God with me, right? Well, sorta.
I know the sayings and verses that say God is always with you, but sometimes it truly doesn’t feel like it. When I am alone and I pray to him I feel as though I am talking to the wall. Flat, unmoving, and made of crap.
I know this wrong, and I don’t always feel like this. I’m mainly speaking out of loneliness, but the hurt is still there. I don’t want God to feel like a wall. I don’t want to feel alone. I want to feel invited. I want to have the invitation to hang out with my friends and the invitation to truly feel God’s presence.
Taking a note from my old pal, Judy Bloom. Are you there God? It’s me Kelcei. I want to feel your presence and not be so alone. I want to feel invited and loved in your arms. Is that such a hard thing to do?
Like Three Dog Night’s said “one is the loneliest number.” I hate this feeling that no one wants me in their presence, but hey, at least I get to binge watch Netflix and catch up on all my shows. Those balance each other out, right? Right.
Not Another Spiritual Blog 